the life of a BIG black ninja

Pushin' it

2009-03-19T00:30:00.002-05:00

Im feeling kind of stagnant and there is only one thing to do when you feel that way.

Change everything.

Might take a mini leave of absence from my normal activities so that i can reset and just do other stuff for a little while, completely change up the style of my photos, or just not talk to anyone for a few days. Something to get me into a new mode, a new vibe, something i can bring to the people i'm close to.

So im gonna push the boundaries and push out of the little boredom/doldrums that i am in.

I have a few good things coming my way right now and a few ideas im about to start in motion so im feeling extremely positive about the future. And every day im trying to push closer to that positive and push out the negative that keeps me from realizing my potential. Parts of my self like my laziness and inability to write down gals, while i sit and tell people how to do it for hemselves and boost others up i have been neglecting myself and falling behind. So im pushing that to the side to put myslf where i need to be, so instead of pushing people up i can pull them up with me if i want them on top.

is kanye the new generations Michael Jackson

2009-03-03T08:56:00.003-06:00

I know all my friends who are super in love with MJ will probably think this is blasphemy but hear me out before you try to kill me jb and d ro.

The reason i pose this question isn't because they both have crazy concert with wild performances, ye has a long way to go to catch mj, i mean he aint jamming in Bucharest, and i have yet to see anyone fall out hen yeezy walked into a room, unless they had a camera and he was yanking it from their hands.

But what im saying is he is a person we have watched grow into a super crazy celebrity, and he is seemingly falling aart in front of our eyes. I mean he hasn't shaved his nose of to the point that he looked like a scary ass cartoon character. He also hasn't caught some disease that morphed him into a middle aged white woman.

But what he has done is made a prolific and very personal album that most people hated, while he was at his most vulnerable. Full of off pitched singing auto tuned into bearability, then he tried to perform it, like he didn't know he couldn't. Now he is just starting to look way too sensitive and i just don't know what's next he is stealing Michael's dance moves

He has some kinda crazy negro mullet shag thing going on.

Im just not ready to see a light skin noseless version of mr west.

a blog non analogous

2009-02-12T03:21:00.002-06:00

I typically write about one thing, thinking about something else.

But right now all i can think about is cookies.

The soft ones with the frosting.

With those little sprinkles.

I love them.

I have them with in arms reach.

Rather than get them, I decided i would be better off just thinking about them.

How much I want them.

How sweet it would be.

Because i know this is the wrong time to consume them.

In the end i am better off with out the cookies.

But I still love them.

i heard 'em say

2009-02-07T20:08:00.001-06:00

If you can't change your surroundings, change your surroundings.

Be it people, your environment, living situation, life...

So in that vain maybe i should stop trying to influence the people around me. Maybe i should give up on bringing people into a different experience or informing them that people with different opinions, and life experience can also be correct, since truth is mostly a matter of opinions based on life experience and perceptions. Even science acknowledges that, only math has laws that stay the same for extended periods.

So since i cant shift the things around me, why not move. Why not move on, reset, find like minded individuals who like to do what i like to do?

cause im a dumb ass and i think u can change anything if u decide its important

get on or get out the way

2009-02-01T01:39:00.002-06:00

Right now i feel like my life is analogous to merging into the highway. I know where im tryna go. I just dont know where all the people around me are headed, or if they are even paying attention and see me.

I can either slow down and make sure they know where I'm going, or I can speed up and hope I dont crash. I am usually the cautious type. Lately though, I have been far more reckless. Merging blindly and holding the accelerator. Making up for lost time i spent waiting for my chance to merge.

But right now, at this moment, its 5:15pm and i am getting on 635 in Dallas. Traffic is fucked up. No ones looking over, and if they do they speeding up to make sure they are ahead of me. And im not even sure i am going in the right direction. Seems like the faster i go the further i get from my destination, but if i wait i won't get there any sooner. Maybe i should switch directions or take the side road, avoid all the traffic and find a new way to the place i want to be?

It's either that or press the gas raise the finger between my index and ring, and cause a wreck.

changes

2009-01-26T08:47:00.002-06:00

Change...

It's not just for the white house anymore.

It seems change is my new frienemy. It constantly works its way back into my life no matter how many times I push it away or it pushes me away. No matter how sick of each other we get, i can always count on change, even if its different every-time we meet.

Sometimes she I so sweet and other days she is a bitter bitch, getting back at me for all the past rejections she suffered. But I take her back every time cause i have no choice, she is change, she always gets her way.

Right now I'm just working on ways to influence her. Get her to see things my way. Maybe set up a orgy with her home girls Fate and Success. But for now i'll just wait for her to decide what is next.

-c

dont drink and type

2008-12-21T03:53:00.004-06:00

It has been a while since i was inclined to speak to the viewers of this blog, but i feel that i have come to a point t hat i have to. Solely for the purpose of extending this sage advice to you, dont drink and type.

Be it text, im, blog myspace message, mavis beacon teaches typing program.. whatever, just dont do it. its bad. The main reason its bad is because you dont know what the hell is going to come out next, i mean you are inebriated. Another reason is you wil say exactly what you are thinking even if its something you not supposed to say. But the most important reason is, there is evidence lol, written evidence of you saying some old super drunky shit, you dont wanna be the text version of dude from entertainment tonight or dill o reily and end up with your bizness in the streets. After all what you do with loofas is your own business, even if you are a self righteous right wing conservative. Back to the point though... just dont do it its a trap...

just a drunk nigga psa

2008-12-21T03:53:00.001-06:00

2008-12-21T03:53:00.000-06:00

The Choice

2008-11-09T04:29:00.002-06:00

Once in awhile people are faced with a choice, to stand up and demand change or to continue to accept the current status quo of mediocrity and underachieving. At these times yo can go toward hope or cling to the lifestyle you are used to for fear of change. Some have enough courage to accept that life needs change to continue to progress, and sometimes that includes creative destruction. When faced with this choice some sit idly by and let their voice go unheard and hope everyone else makes the right choice for them, some push against change, and some push for improvement. Unfortunately for those who wish to continue to let things go in the downward spiral change will always occur. Ready or not. Change is here. For America, and for me.

I have decided that since the country can change so can I. I can speak out on issues i see. I can decide to not settle for inadequate relationships, friendships, and coworkers. I can have what ever i see fit if i work for it. I can demand better from those i allow to be in my life. And i can accept if they are not ready to improve themselves and their situations and would prefer to not be in my life...

All that to say i made a choice, to not accept the minimum effort i can get the maximum.

damn it

2008-11-08T01:34:00.003-06:00

I really dont have very many peeves. Not much gets under my skin. But today, TODAY, I have experienced the three things i hate most lies, selfishness, and obliviousness.

I know its kinda dumb to let something affect me enough to write about it for the public, but its like shit... i need a release.

It's not that hard to say i can't make it. Honestly i have told people i cant make it to photoshoots, at my own damn house, on numerous occasions. So I for one know its pretty simple to say naw dawg i cant even do it. Even if i realllly wanted to do something i can take a no better than a no answer.

I am a fairly considerate fellow. I do alot for alot of people with out ever asking for anything in return above a thank you. But when i go way above what i should or anyone else would do in order to help some one id atleast like a simple form of appreciation. Also, not to be all womany and think people can think my thoughts, but it does seem atleast a tad bit common sense to order someone some food if they are paying for your food. I kinda tend to do stuff for people with out them ever even asking but for some reason that favor is never returned, and sometimes im asked to go far out of my way for no reason at all but it was someones whim.... and that brings me to the last peeve

How can you not even notice when you just asked someone to do something stupid and wasteful, and then keep asking them why they look mad. Or keep on asking them to do things that are senseless while they sit there looking thru you .

damn it

thanks billy

2008-11-08T01:29:00.004-06:00

If it werent for u the dominoes wouldnt have fallen in the right order to get obama elected, maybe 8 years of bush was worth it. Barely.
One think i am not digging about Obama's big win is the instant perception that racism is over by mainstream media. While if u listen to a conservative talk radio show, or even a 4th grader at luther elementary you will know that not only is racism still alive and kicking, it wears skechers. The wrong wing political pundits and talk show hosts have taken this election as their calling to be even more divisive and even more angry if that is at al lpossible, eventhough they didnt support McCain in the primaries, somehow they thought he was the man(with Sarah "he pals around with terrorist" Palin) to lead this country.

any way i just wanted to say Monica, GREA.T JOB... No other woman has sucked a dick so well it could get us a bi racial president

I want a new car

2008-10-27T19:21:00.003-05:00

I been in the market for a car for a little while and i have come to the realization that i would like a new one. Like brand new, not brand newish like really new. I don't really liked used cars anymore. Way too much work. Tryna maintain it when you dont know whats wrong with it. I am tired of ending up with other peoples problems. Let's be real.. the only reason that you dont keep a car tiill it dies is a) it costs to much or b) its got issues you cant fix. I know, I know once i drive it its now considered used, but i wanna be the one putting the miles on it instead of getting it from someone else all fucked up from they craziness.

I hate shopping for cars though because there are so many options its hard to pick the one that will work for you and half the time you get it home and realize the fit aint right or there is some small problem you didnt notice but each and every day it ill piss you off more until you want to just trade it in.

kinda like life

I blame Clinton.

2008-10-07T22:21:00.002-05:00

Thats right, I said it, It is all Bill Clintons fault.

I know, I know, he left the government with a surplus and the economy on the rise but trust me its all his fault.

He wasnt the president the 8 years that the economy declined, or when planes hit buildings, or when we warred our way to a gigantic deficit.

But he got his dick sucked.

That single act of desperation sent america into its downward spiral.

How, you may ask... WELLLLL if he didnt get the presidential knob slobbed, Al Gore would have had the table set to become president with nothing for americans to complain about firstly. That would have totally avoided the whole bush thing. His inability to pass up a little noggin bobbin' went on to set the stage for a close election, a more conservative america, and eventually corporate irresponsibility. At least thats what my republican associates tell me. They told me if it wasnt for him taking a lewinsky break he could have stopped september 11th, which was the catalyst for this whole financial crisis, since with out that Bush wouldnt have had to start a war on terror and attack Iraq.

So shame on you President Clinton. You didnt just bust one on her dress you busted one on America.

...this is purely satire....

first impression

2008-09-14T15:53:00.001-05:00

some things are exactly as thy seem

We tend to see something and say it could be more, it could grow, there is a potential for greatness in that. But for the most part, what you see is what you get, everything does eventually evolve and grow, but short term same is same.

Like they say you can put lip stick on a pig, you can shine shit, either way its still what it was. And people tend to be who they are even if you think they are maturing and growing and flowing toward that potential you saw while looking past the crusty exterior, the inside is the same. A lazy mans a lazy man a shy mans a shy man a dogs a dog the same for women and in the end if your first sign says stay way do like diddy and take that take that.

i got the shit off my shoe today

2008-09-12T19:37:00.001-05:00

yeah it took awhile, kinda got accustomed to it, but its for the best.

You know whats funny about republicans

2008-09-12T13:36:00.002-05:00

They want smaller government... which in itself sounds good, but they want higher wages for politicians, with less money to fund thm, and they want to govern what you do in your personal life (no gays, abortions, or nonaxed drugs)

hell its funny to me

i gotta gotta go

2008-08-25T12:19:00.002-05:00

I kinda like it here, im pretty comfortable. Hell i have been here most of my life. Really all of my life. No matter how much i like it though, i have got to go. Its an impossible place. full of people like me, under motivated under achievers with loads of talent, but most of them think they cant make it here. They may be right, i mean they cant make it here because they dont think they can so they dont try, but with so many people with that feeling it sucks the life out of you.

I think i am fairly good at taking pictures and making people look good but i can barely find anyone to shoot that i want to shoot, they always seem to be bored but have to much to do. Then there are the ones who ask to set up shoots all the time then cancel the day of, some of whom i really could take or leave but i let them get away with it because i dont have anyone else showing up. So maybe it is time to go to hell, maybe i do need to go to dallas. Seems to be alot more people atleast trying to do something.

You ever stepped in dog shit?

2008-08-19T00:25:00.003-05:00

I did not to long ago, it was a horrible experience. I saw the heaping pile of butt mud and did my best to step past it, but somehow I just ended up stepping in a even larger mountain of manure. It was such a mesmerizing mound I was unable to think of what i should do next. I couldnt pull my foot out directly, i had to try to ease it out. That plan didnt work though, so i tried to take my shoe off and just leave it in the shit, but when i did it just got on my sock, and a lil on my jeans. And i am still trying to find my way out of the shit to this day.

The moral of this story is if you see shit, walk the other way.

damn it

2008-08-17T23:08:00.003-05:00

All this time, all these years wasted.

Fuck!!!!!!

I thought i knew what i wanted. I was pursuing it.

Now, it seems, it was all wrong. I really can't have one with out the other.

I should probably tell you what im talking about, huh? Well, im talking bout fame and fortune. They can be acquired on a mutually exclusive basis in some fields, and not in others. I am sure it would be possible for me to be rich and not be famous with what i do... but it seems like its going to be alot harder. Plus, I just realized popularity aint so bad. It feels good when people recognize you and say good things about you, The good is better than the bad, like the people saying negative shit about you when they have never met you lol (kinda like when i shoot some one for the first time last week and they say one of their friends, whom i didnt even know, said they shot with me and i had a crew of dudes at my house chilling watching, which is 100% bullshit cause i only have 3 male friends lol). But spending a little time in the real world recently, i noticed, money comes alot faster from people who know you, which i knew but never really experienced in a great quantity.

Anyways so i guess i gotta get famous, or at least more popular... guess ill be leaking that sex tape soon....

break up to make up

2008-08-05T03:07:00.003-05:00

Have you ever been dumped? Like one of those this hurts me as much as it hurts you kind of break ups. You spend a few weeks trying to figure out what you are going to do with your life with out that special someone? Then ou get it together,and get everything headed in the right direction, you even find someone that you think can fill their position well and then they call you. They want to be back with you, they made the wrong decision but they didnt know it until you decided everything will be ok with out them.

This didnt happen to me but its happening to the Green Bay Packers as we speak, guess we will see how it plays out.

on a side not im over jay-z
i can take any more poorly crafted word play from the self proclaimed then co signed best rapper.
The remix verses to "a mill"i and "put on" just grind my gears they are the icing on my hate cake that was baked by kingdom come.

i figured it all out

2008-08-05T02:59:00.002-05:00

I finally figured out the problem that plagued all mankind since adam ate eves apple. Thats right i have solved the unsolvable.

Women are crazy.
Men aint shit.

Its pretty simple. All women are crazy and all men are worthless bastards.
This isnt just generalities this is proven fact from many conversations with members of both sexes and years of research. It all boils down to the simple fact that its not a matter of finding someone who is compatible with your likes and lifestyle, its just that everyone of the opposite and same sex are unworthy and unfit to be with you.

B.A.N.

2008-07-24T04:10:00.002-05:00

Bitch!

Damn, what a release. Feels freaking great.

Sometimes i just want to say bitch, sometimes i want to say it around women. Not to women, like in a derogatory way but just like you know, bitch. Kinda like how white guys feels about saying nigga, you can see they want to say it, not even in a mean way, they just hear how we say it and want to jump in.

I just love the power of bitch. I mean its pretty vile sounding but its strong as hell. It is so strong only women, gay people, and rappers can say it around women with out getting cussed out. Even if you were just saying it undirected. Like the only time you can say it is if you use it in conjunction with aint that a, assness, or ass nigga. Thats how tough bitch is. I accidently said bitch around this girl and i had to say, no no no its ok i am a rapper, just to stop her from calling me all types of mothafuckas.

but in the tradition of the long time rap legend, whats my favorite word.

BITCH.

why they gotta say it like chris

back to school time

2008-07-15T20:57:00.002-05:00

i apologize

2008-07-12T04:09:00.004-05:00

To preface this blog, I have noticed some things ging on in the word that i feel like i should personally apologize for even if its nothing that i am responsible for.

I am soooo sorry about the state of hip hop, strike that, main stream black music in general. I apologize for how diluted it has gotten and for everything sounding like a remix of the one original song made per year. And moreso i apologize for liking "put on" by young jeezy ft KanYe West. I am sooo sorry

I apology for this new craze of young black males preferring to dance with or for each other at the club instead of with the yound attractive women. I do understand it has been going on since the late 90s 8th grade grooving days, but the new style is mo homo. I mean there are now songs that specifically intend for groups of men to gather around each other and dance, not brake dance, but some form of feminine primping and cleaning them selves for each other. I am sorry that their "dougie" is so gay when they are wiping them selves down. I apologize for all of the songs that make guys do the homey (boondocks season two return of ganstalicious.) I am soooo sorry.

I am so sorry that the main reason i leave the house is to get something more interesting than my self to blog about. I mean i probably would only leave the house to shop if i didnt feel the need to keep writing stuff that no one reads.As a matter of fact im sorry for self indulgent people who think that their opinion or thoughts are so important they need some type of online publishing of these thoughts and ideas and opinions. Seriously i am apologizing for ever startin this, half the time ME, MYSELF, and I are the only three people who even care about what i am writing and sometimes i dont think me really cares. Either way i do apologize, and i am so sorry.

I apologize for underground haters, i also apologize for people who rightfully dislike what you are doing because it is subpar. I really apologize for your inability to discriminate between the two. I understand confidence and the like, but really, you know you aint THAT damn good. Some one may actually just not like you. This is a honest possibility. The thing i really apologize for are the top secret agent haters, who acknowledge your ability but say things to try to downgrade your accomplishments because they cant do it, and the ones who dislike the fact you are living how you want to while they have to spend 8 hours a day doing shit they hate then dont have time to hone their respective crafts. i am so sorry.

There are many more things i need to apologizes for but its 4am and i have to go out of town in the am. So im sorry i have to cut this off.

worth more than gold

2008-07-05T05:38:00.003-05:00

Its something that you have a limited amount of. Most people spend alot of it trying to get more of it. The way you spend it is more important than anything. No it isnt money its time. Something of far more value than mere money. Hell, if you could by time it would always be sold out. People exchange it for money and always feel somewhat ripped off, cause ho can you value an hour you cant get back ever as only worth $12 and maybe some health insurance you cant really use cause you cant get a day off. we make a decision every day on how we chose to spend it. Those decisions reflect how much we value things like creating, family, and personal time. I chose to focus more on other things besides money and some thing that is a bad decision. I chose to spend time honing a craft that can bring me wealth with a little less time spent on a daily basis. Either way i tell you one thing, id rather not spend 10 houts out of a day going to work being at work on break or lunch at work or driving home from work, sounds like to much work.

i can't

2008-06-30T22:51:00.003-05:00

....
....
.....
OH NO!

I can't think of anything to write. I can't think of anything to take pictures of. I have completely tapped out of creative juices, atleast for the month of june. Good thing there are limited minutes left to this month. Its been a struggle the entire month, just trying to do something different while the comfortable side wants to just perfect what i already have. It has left me in a mode of stagnation. It is really odd cause i have had some big opportunities to do stuff completely different but some how i didnt?

So with these 65 minutes i have remaining in june i decided to just do. You know, just do? Like what ever pops in my head is being written like if this girl i have been wanting to progress with pops in my head i will talk about that. If i start thinking about wanting a double cheeseburger from mcdonalds even if its poison, then thats what will be here. I'll probably go grab my camera and take some random pictures of my oh so fucked up room with these infernal stacks of unlabeled dvds i cant throw away or take the time to preview. then i can maybe use this blog for its original intentions , to show my weird pictures that no one really wants to see so i can keep everything else focused on the stuff people pay for, nakedish women or overly dressed women and men at times.

I just really ant to do what i want to do. Sometimes i dont know what that is so i do nothing but i think i need to do more me. More spontaneous chrisness needs to occur in order for me to not get in another of these magnificent malaises of the last week, unless that was chrisness.. that would suck. It seems now that im writing that there is never a time anyone should not be able to atleast write something... eventhough i know a few good writers who get caught up in that alot. Possibly it is because people get caught up in the goodness of what they do instead f just doing what they do. Yes it is important to be good at what you do. But it is more important to do.

Moving right along, still listening to this gordongartellradio.com stuff and phonte has beoome one my favorite rappers, without rapping. Even though Little brother did just drop a new cd so go get that. but just off the podcasts general hilarity.

Welp it's time to press on, bout to make these moves to make sure july is fruitful.

b e z

Gamblin'

2008-06-26T01:20:00.005-05:00

i wrote a totally different blog, but when i got to the end i couldnt find a suitable conclusion. I kept seeing these flashing lights. The blinking. I kept hearing the chimes and the simulated sound of coins clinking. The clanking. I smell the full buffet and taste the free drinks. What distracted me? The addiction that is Gambling.

I did a little of it today with my mother. I really hate going to the casino, especially when i dont have any kind of expendable money to burn. That seems to be when she wants to make me go with her. She gives me a 20, i win, i give it back... then she goes and plays it. then i proceed to lose all MY money. It, like cold cool colt 45, works every time. I always feel bad too. But i cant resist it after i won with someone else's money.

Thats how they get you though. Those flickers of light, bursts of sound. chinging sounds of money and fortune won. Even when you won less than you bet. For that second when your 5 dollars in quaters is wracking up and corning thru the machine you are invincible. There is no way in hell you can lose 45 more times in a row. But some how you alas do. If you didnt there would be no casinos, just a lot of independently wealthy smokers.

What drew me to these thoughts of gambling rally? The thought that i need to take more risks. Capture my destiny. Work harder to reach what i want. Since it seems so close to me to everyone else, maybe i am just too close to notice it? That does tend to happen, like a good friend you never notice is cute till they get in a relationship. Its time to gamble, i have been putting in these quarters for a quarter of a century its time for a jackpot.
Right?

you cant fix it

2008-06-18T01:28:00.004-05:00

Someone asked me about reparations today. They wanted to know if i thought that America should give black people reparations for slavery. I thought on it only momentarily. Then, i said of course not. America should not give reparation for something they can not repair, they should not give reparations for slavery. They should however give reparations for stealing our culture and history. By displacing a people and creating the first group of non willful immigrants in American history, early American settlers set African Americans today behind. Yes i said it. And no it is not a victimist attitude that i posses, rather one of a man with no history and no country of origin so to speak. How can you be expected to have a sense of country and pride and culture, if your parents went to segregated schools and your moms moms mom picked cotton, and NO ONE knows where they came from. If your family has no history beyond 1860 and your great grandmother was born in 1907 and didnt pass until 2008, the only sense of culture you have is what we have been able to adapt while here.

Black people have a truly unique experience and there is little that could be done to allow us to have the same starting point as other immigrants that came to America of their own volition, or even of those who were forced out of America by incoming settlers. So no i dont think land and donkeys will be reparations will be given for slavery.

What is your take on the situation?

i am not an artist.

2008-06-13T22:48:00.003-05:00

Ever since i was a little kid i wanted to be an artist. A painter, sculptor, photographer, poet, singer... anything that would allow me to express myself. But now? Fuck that! I want to be who i am when i am who i am but i dont want to put myself out there for the world to review. Because indeed, everyone is a critique. But sometimes people dont even have enough courtesy to view or listen before they judge.

Why would i want to be an artist, and allow people to pass judgment on me based on something i created from a thought? Why would i want to put myself and my thoughts on display for everyone to see or read and comment on as they feel? Who would want people they dont know to know what they think? Why would one open themselves to a deep personal rejection such as that? I barely like approaching omen for fear of rejection, how can i approach customers, clients, fans, and art lovers with the possibility of rejection?

That is why i hide behind technique, and try to be masterful in all i do on a technical level, so no one thinks they can tell what i think. And that is why i am not an artist.

the day...

2008-06-11T00:56:00.003-05:00

Today was not what i thought it would be, not what i had planned or what i expected. No words of any anticipatory nature could describe this day.

Today started a little like the day before and most other days, barely awake trying to figure out why its so hard to get sleep and trying to figure out if I'm going to sleep or get up. Then my mom calls to remind me i have to take her to get oral surgery today. So i lay around another hour fighting the sleepies. Then finally i get out o the streets go to her and her husbands abode, i am already ready to roll because his children are the wild bunch and i hate dentist/doctors visits as much as i hate waiting. So we are finally leaving and my mom comes out with no wedding rings on and says she is not going back, totally not part of the play for the day and i wasn't in relationship therapy mode so i didn't have any words for her even though they were passing through my mind, but there were little kids in the car who didn't need to be involved so, yeah. Then 3 hours after i arrival at the dentist thats all done and my mom is unable to talk although that in no way stopped her from trying. Seeing her in so much pain after the surgery and dealing with changing the gauze and all that really made me emotional i'm not used to seeing my mom weak. Apparently my mom choosing to come to my house instead of going back to the house she shares with her husband made him so angry he said he wants a divorce (even though there would have been no way she could sleep with 7 kids knocking on the door asking for something every 15 minutes it was bad enough he called 50 times from 6 p.m. till 12.)

So i'll probably be playing doctor phil with this stuff tomorrow... not delicious.

Eventually she felt beter and i went to the eclectic oul session tuesday jump off they do every other week o go do something for J wigg, and it was rather nice in there. It was at LiT one of the nicer spot in bricktown... a Hookah bar with a lounge and a second floor patio very swank. The band was great, even if the performances were a tad disorganized and not as smoothly ran as san kofa in dallas, at least they trying, and the quality was good. The event did make me remember something from my days going to all the local shows... Oklahomans do not under stand how to show appreciation, there are no thank you's and NEVER will you hear a nice warm round of applause. Hell half the time they can't take a break from the conversation they started at the same time as the performer, or stop clowning the person acting a fool over there or the chic who almost fell o the girl with too much cleavage or the dude with raggedy shoes or a belly shirt, long enough to pay attention for what they paid 5 dollars to see. Or did they pay 5 dollars to come see how badly others dressed and so they can boost their self esteem? Who knows. I just know its the thing i hate most about oklahoma, other than people being broke and lazy. ( aside from myself cause i can do that.)

My last thought is, how many people send me messages on myspace like all the time on myspace but see me in public and don't know who the hell i a. Admittedly my page is mainly for biz and there are not a lot of pictures of me, but if you message me frequently i just assume u have LOOKED at them once or twice since my page is about pictures and such...

Oh well guess im not famous yet

The agony of defeat

2008-06-07T02:15:00.002-05:00

It feels so bad to feel like you aren't living up to your destiny. It makes you feel so empty inside when you feel like you have this greater calling, and you see it all lined up right there close enough you can feel it. Then you push and push, and the harder you push the further away it gets. Then one day you realize that you just cant get there. There just are not enough delegates, wait thats Hillary Clinton's failure story not mine. Anyway, i been feeling real Hillary lately, could be Clinton or Banks ( fresh prince of bel aire reference), i feel dumb and like i have been trying to hard.

I kinda feel like i am failing at my mission in life right now. I have ben way too lazy since school got out and i havent been working with d as much on shoots. Im pretty much just sitting around waiting for IT to happen for me. I dont know what IT is, but im waiting for it. Once IT happens all will be great. Any body know how i can ienourage it to happen, i mean with out doing stuff, and preferably something free?

For some reason people think im really good at photography but when i look at my shots all i see is whats missing. People say i give good advice but when i think about me all i think about is what isnt right in my life. Why do i know the solution for everyone but me? Or do i know it and just cant convince myself to do it. Why do i constantly have a woman around me that i think could be great but i dont have anything to say? But when i know i don have a shot i talk my ass off until i annoy myself...

simple question... what do you want from life?
but is the answer even possible, as it is ever changing but really it isnt, the answer is always happiness but happiness evolves. somedays happiness is $100,000, some days happiness is just seeing a friend smile cause its their birthday or i just havent seen them smile enough. Some days al it takes for me to feel filled is music, some outkast rh factor, anthony david, miguel, esthero, JayDee, Anthony Hamilton, Stevie Wonder, Donny Hathaway, E badu, anything that soothes me or moves me. Even now, i turned on some music and lost my ability to write a negative emo ass blog..

so im done
i even failed at talking about failing

nothing changed

2008-06-02T23:48:00.002-05:00

Today was a waste, but nothing has changed. I tried so hard to get off to a good start woke up early brushed teeth, washed ass, worked out a touch. Then i proceeded to go back to bed. I couldn't think of anything i wanted to do at the time so i did nothing. That last sentence is a summary of my life sometimes, unless i become inspired by something or someone, but the times with no inspiration... or when i am on hold or being less than attended to i can fall into a phase of do nothing. I know its bad, and it doesn't make anything better cause if you do nothing you get nothing done and all that hub bub, but when you get the ball rolling in the wrong direction it tends to stay rolling that way. Gravity and inertia are a bitch. I should harbor some of my kinetic energy of the mind and make many things happen with the few talents and little good sense i have. My mind is too bogged down though, i feel like i have to much to do for others to do for me and so i get sick of not being able to do anything for me and decide to do nothing. PERIOD. that is the real deeper issue, but im too unselfish to allow myself to be selfish enough to make myself better. Makes a lot of sense right? I feel like I am trapped but at the same time i don't want to go anywhere because i don't want to lose the little that i have. But if nothing is ventured nothing is gained, yeah its super cliche but true fucking critiques. I just want to do better, and know i can because my talent is unlimited except by me and finances and my mind is ... well only limited by my lack of short term memory, and i dont even smoke weed whats up with that? I had to vent

but nothing changed

You are beautiful

2008-05-31T22:34:00.004-05:00

I was thinking, how different for me, and something came to mind that i figured i should speak to. That thing is you, black woman. I feel I have to tell you something you don't hear enough. This is not meant to be some suck up shit, and i am not trying to get some pussy off this. I just figured you should hear it, cause honestly when is the last time you did? I know you have heard some other shit such as ho, freak, or bitch, and some say that you are to hard to deal with but fuck that that you deserve more. I mean who sets the trends who made white women get collage, who put ass on the map before kim kardashian or j. lo? You are the mothers of earth born of the cradle of civilization yet you get more disrespected than mother nature. Being used for sexual release, your numbers being depleted by disease, and so many being forced to raise children without the presence of good men, all this unacceptable to me. You deserve more, we deserve more as a people and culture. If you chose to enjoy your sexuality you are degraded and called less but if your skin was fairer you would be seen as some sort of star. Just to get what you deserve you have to work three times as hard. But even with all this stress you are blessed, with the deepest form of beauty, an internal beauty that shines when you smile whether your teeth are straight or gapped, whether you have slim lips or full, be you as light as butter or a mocha shade you are.
atleast to me

aint that dude 40?

2008-05-30T12:41:00.002-05:00

Well, i was doing one of those things i should never do, watching bet, and i saw something massively disturbing. A 40 year old man who is currently on trial for child pornography, singing about his hairbraider. I find this wrong for many reasons, first of which is there has already been a song about getting your hair braided it was by a 15 year old, secondly the song sounds like a song by The Dream someone 20 years younger than this guy, and didnt sisqo do the gold hair thing many years ago in the thong song video? Everything about Robert Kelly is concerning to me. How did he start out sounding like Aaron Hall and now sound like The Dream. How do you marry a little girl (with her parents permission which makes it even worse) then act like thats your brother in a video having sex with a little girl... and why would you call yourself the pied piper when is some versions of the story he stole all the little kids of the town....

i digress

The conflicts

2008-05-23T02:19:00.004-05:00

My life is a series of conflicting ideas, maybe its the libra in me although i dont believe in asstrology yeah i spelled it with ass cause well its ass, anyway. These conflicts arent with others, they are with myself. A few of which are as follows: I m smart but i do dumb shit, i want to be in shape but i love sweets, i love women i dont like talking to them, i enjoy observing people but dont like being around most of them, i want to be successful but i dont want to DO anything, i want to be well known and respected but i dont want to be famous, i give great advice but i never take advice... from myself or anyone else.

this was supposed to be longer but the conflict between artistic thinker me has lost out to lazy a.d.d me.

Breaking all the rules

2008-05-19T22:50:00.003-05:00

Yeah, so i have all these rules i live by, they arent written, and i dont think they will ever all be written or will even be written here tonight. These rules consist of common sense things that keep me from doing stuff that makes people look dumb. No fussing in public, no redating, no talking to girls you failed with. Some how i let myself slip on one of those categories, and i don't know what to do about it. This is the thing i make fun of people for the most, letting yourself stay in a situation you cant control or with someone that has all the power. It's insane, to make a mistake you know is a mistake, or maybe i just really think its a mistake real hard. Well the first step is acknowledging you have a problem right??

Well

My name is Chris and i have an idiotic addiction.

i guess i only got 11 more steps

Im gonna be a rapper

2008-05-19T02:19:00.003-05:00

I want to be a rapper now. It is not for the money. It is not for the groupies. It is not for the fame.

I just really want to be able to have fan participation in my life.

I want to be able to walk in a room and say say something and everyone says it. And to tell people get out they muthafucking seat and they do and say like put you hands in the air, or just one and, or just 2 fingers, and no matter what they do it.

I want to be able to say shit like "where all the sexy ladies at? Make some noise if you got good pussy... make some noise if your pussy DON'T stink."

What other job can you ask such an inappropriate question and people get hypde up and start yelling wooooo instead of yelling AT you. If i walked into say, SuperTarget as a manager and acted the same way i would have 100 sexual harassment suits at the end of the day.

And at the end of the day my happiness is tangibly tied to my ability to be totally inappropriate. Anyone who really knows me knows how hard i smile when im saying something i shouldnt say.

So right now im freestylin' while i type this i may even start rhyming my lines in this blog i dont hurry up and stop writing. But the decision has been made so i am going to go buy a rhyming dictionary, some drugs to sell, and a chain tomorrow and i will be well on my way.

Disconnected

2008-05-12T19:15:00.005-05:00

Today i'm going to talk about, hold on im getting a text.

Where was I?

Oh yeah I decided i should write about.... wait let me respond to these instant messages.

SO yeah with out any further adieu, my blog about the disconnection of the online era.

When did it be ok to sit in a room full of people and not talk to any of them? Since when has it become the thing to do, to totally ignore everything else thats in your current surroundings?When did it become perfectly acceptable to say i am bored to about 15 people a day?

Since the internet got popping thats since when.

When we were kids, those of us born pre 91 atleast, there was no such thing as bored unless you were a husky kid and didn't want to go out and play. If you got bored you would just walk down the street until you found another kid say "hey wanna play" then commence to making up a game that totally made no sense. Not only was it healthy for the body but for the imagination. Now all the kids are husky and have cell phones and wont even walk out side to say hi, they will just text. There is one benefit to that though, shorter hold times for people to type notes on your cell phone account when they make a mistake since everyone has been typing since they were 10 as the main form of communication. But anyway back to the real topic of discussion, how being so connected has actually made us much more disconnected.

I will start with something i do quite often. I will walk into a room full of people and before i even acknowledge them, i have to check my texts, you know gotta make sure i'm not missing any information from people i'm not anywhere near. I have never been a big people person, but when it comes to text or online i am always talking to people. Also i find my self saying "i am bored" if i am not doing atleast 4 things. If all i am doing is instant messaging watching tv and texting, I HAVE to turn on some music. We crave over stimulation, multitasking, and distraction in order to fell that our life has been filled. Its funny how many people get offended wen i say lets go outside and play

Even as i type this i am multi tasking, created batches of contact sheets from pictures i shot today. WHICH i have to hurry up and do because they are late because this is the world of instant gratification. As a matter of fact i was quite pissed today as i drove to do the shoot and couldnt get my phones internet to pull up accurate directions in a timely manner. Ooops there's some more ims coming in. It seems as though i can't disconnect from this long enough to talk to my own brother, but he is busy typing his blog anyway. You can learn more about your friends from their blog/myspace/facebook/whateversite.com than by sitting in a room with them for an hour. Maybe its because its easier to share private information with the public than your friends? Atleast when the public judges you you can say they don't know you, eventhough they know more about you than your own parents in most cases. Someone just im'd this to me thought id share it.

ok back from the distraction

Another thing that has become practically impossible is having a serious relationship. With the advent of the internet it is like there is an unlimited amount of easy ass for young men to chase, and ballers, rappers for young women to pursue. All just a mouse click away... or even closer if you have a web enabled cell phone. There is now a worldwide web of sexual partners to explore instead of just people you bump into out and about at school, clubs or even church. With that much temptation its not hard to believe that the divorce rate is fast exceeding 50%. Why settle for some cute girl from around the way when all you gotta do is get on myspace and find a mildly more attractive person with more common interest thats within a 5 hour drive?

But who am i to complain, here i am connected and disconnected at the same time. It hasnt even been a week since the last time i sat in a room full of attractive women and texted some one miles away lol

Man I love Chicken.

2008-05-12T00:10:00.005-05:00

Chicken is pretty great. There are so many ways to make it. Fry it, broil it, bake it, stick some ham and cheese in it and call it cordon blue. It's one of the most versatile meals around. If you can find me one person who doesn't like chicken in any form ill give you a million (not dollars but something).

But eventually you can run out of new ways to have chicken. I mean you can tie it up, put toppings on it, eat it in public, or even pretend its some other type of poultry. In the end sometimes you just need something different. No matter how much you like chicken, sometimes you want a steak, or even just some eggs or waffles or cereal. Hell just something different.

They say why eat a burger if you can have fillet mignon, well sometimes all you need is a quick double cheeseburger. So ladies remember that if your dude ever cheats on you, there is nothing wrong with your chicken, he just needed a new meal. And if you don't think she is as attractive as you, he might have just wanted to have something off the dollar menu that day

disclaimer i have never cheated on a girlfriend, i'm just saying .. i understand why one could.

Raven Simone got swag..

2008-05-11T21:29:00.003-05:00

But does she have groupies?

Raven Simone has been a fixture in hollywood since she was the age four. As a member of the cast of the Cosby Show, she was amongst the most viewed people on television. Unlike most child celebrities her life didn't spiral down the tube after a few failed albums, even if she knew what little girls were made of she wasn't making hits. Instead she proceeded to work in hollywood and eventually expanded her brand and stardom to a whole new young market. Hell even my little sister has a frew thats so raven dolls and the thats so raven game. So with that merchandising money, a production company, whatever money she is making from that show residuals and royalties from the Cosby Show and her albums sales, (even if its just 65 cents a month or so) she has to be rather well paid. She also seems very confident in her abilities as a singer and actor, no matter how bad cheetah girls and all that is.

The real point of this blog is actually not Raven Simones success, but rather its about how if she was a man she would be married to Mariah Carey, or a tleast knocking off a far share of models and celebrity women, to go along with the regular chic ass that money and success affords you.

Is it just that men are more shallow and attracted to a certain body style of women, because i rarely see her accompanied by a gentleman on tv... Or is it that women are just that attracted to money? Can money and status be that powerful for women? I mean Grimace could pull women if he was a ball player. Maybe I'm just hating, or being a negative observationalist as i prefer to term it, or maybe i am just right. Either way maybe i need to holla at Raven.

Pumps and a bump

2008-05-04T09:19:00.006-05:00

Well since im in between parties and photoshoots i decided to spew off some ramblings and observations that have been with me over the last few days. The first of which gave birth to the title of this blog, and that is i hate women in flat shoes.

I don't know if it sounds gay but, i don't care, I like shoes, I like women in nice shoes. I'm not brand conscience or anything but i like nice shit. When i see a woman with some nice legs and ice shoes, i feel all warm inside. When i see a woman with a great body and some fucked up shoes, i, i , i just don't like it. It is something i have never really understood but, i don't like peep toes (most of em) or sandals, or sling backs. I don't know maybe i'm conventional in my tastes, all she needs are some plain high heels. No strappy shits, especially if the feet are not well maintained. And no 2 inch heels, if you gonna do it do it all the way, thats what Granny used to say.

I gotta get famous, but not for me cause i don't wanna be famous, for the ladies. Thats right, i only wanna be famous for the ladies. I mean i don't like being in the spotlight, i do enjoy being acknowledged for my skills and talents. But skills don't get you shit but props. Fame, and even more so money, can open a lot of doors per se. It is a well known fact that women are as attracted to status and finance as men are to ass and tits, i mean they like bodies too, but they will fuck with dude who can provide security faste. Just as men like brains and faces and all that good stuff, but they will holla at a pair of dd's just as quick as they will a woman with a 4.0 gpa. I'm just saying. ANyway, the moral of the story is fame attracts women, and women attract more women, and the better that one looks the better the competition will be. Being a man thats like one of the main concerns in life, what makes you look cooler than a bunch of pretty women fighting over you, the confidence level goes crazy, which brings you more women. its like a cycle.

This one will be short. Chicken before egg? Well the actual question is, can someone use sex to get in shape? Don't you have to be in decent shape to get enough sex for it to be exercise? Or can you just get a bust down and get in shape with that?

It's getting about that time to pack my stuff to shoot so this ends the journey into my brain.

b e z

Chivalry is dead

2008-05-01T02:55:00.001-05:00

Chivalry is dead, and no it wasn't of old age or natural cause, or even because women killed it. Its just natural selection. Good ol' darwin is the undoing of the former niceties women enjoyed so much.

There was a time, i believe some time before the 90's because i hardly remember it, when us fellas were expected to be courteous and gentlemanly in our actions. We were expected to walk closer to the street to protect a woman, lay down a coat so a woman could walk over a puddle, open car and other doors and hold them until the woman had entered the facility. All very simple things that at times went over looked. Recently women have notice that these things don't occur any longer. Some comedians have said that it was their own doing, with the new fangled "independence" and such. I tend to disagree.

The extinction of chivalry is nothing more than natural selection. Its been determines through evolution to no longer be necessary in order for a man to achieve the goal of mating. With the alpha males being "thugs," courteousness has went the way of the dodo bird. Is it so bad though? I kinda like having clean jackets and walking on the safer part of the street and why should i have to wait to get in a building cause i'm with someone else. It may sound messed up but its just evolution.

and they wonder why i don't have a girlfriend.

ella ella a a a

2008-04-30T02:29:00.003-05:00

So after months upon months of thinking Rhianna looked like a female soda popinski from mike tysons punch out my opinion has DRASTICALLY changed. After seeing her up close in personal she is on the get it list. She is very well kept lol, and sexy even with a 20 oz./inch head. I swear ta gawd.
So baiscally i came upon this revelation while i was at the glow in the dark tours stop in oOklahoma. I will proabably be tryin to hit up the dallas stop now it was fun. Crazy good show beautiful women all around, good performances by GLC(even though he cant rap, consequence, Rhianna, NERD, and especially Kanye even with the no show by lupe t was awesome. I shoulda went to Dallas to see him ohwell any way.

Back to the scheduled blog, wanting to bust Rhianna's geezies. Its really about how wellshe presents herself because really i have friends just as beautiful and talented but she carries herself like a star and that really adds a lot. Even I, a man of highly discriminating taste, found her to be much more than i had previously assumed.

The glow in the dark tour was the best show i been to and i have been to quite a few. I mean kanye aint micheal jackson but for my generation i think thats the best we can do, maybe ursher is a litte closer to mike (yeah i said Ursher cause im country).

I also almost got myself in trouble cause i got big hads, gotta remember that when im not normal chris im kinda unwittingy lustful. Although im a grown ass man and cant techinically get in trouble i could mess up something good and i guess that would be trouble, right.

Unfortunately there are no pics from the show i need a pocket came for that shit i was in prime real estate for awesome pics. BUT i may make one of the hommettes take pics in my ill gotten glow in the dark tour shade so we shall see if not her then me.
Also i wanted to let you know that this nlog is presented by absolut 100 in conjunction with redbull and has been presented by RBV aka red bul and vodka and as such none of these comments may be attributed to chris.

anyay thats all, a lovely blog about love relationships and sex or the lack there of will be coming soon in the meantime, find something better to do with your life.

thanks
RBV paul

Read at your own risk

2008-04-29T08:09:00.000-05:00

Dear nerds, blog readers and friends.

If you know me very well you will know that i'm shy as fuck when you first meet me, but once we been around each other awhile you cant shut me up. BUT this is my forum to speak openly and hold no punches. Some names will be changed to protect the innocent , or guilty. WHile others will be blatantly put on blast, repeatedly, kinda like that one good song on a tank album where u just put it on repeat for awhile before you just throw the CD away. This will be my place to post a little bit of my photography from time to time and let you get to know the enemy, sometimes to rant about how good and bad my life is at the same time, and finally i may spend hours on end writing about how bad most music is right now and how i still don't understand why a woman would be proud to be a "bus'it baby" and make it her myspace name.. Again you have been warned friends if you think i am writing about you, don't be angry or call me up and be like " i can't believe you said that" cause as is commonly mentioned to me i'm retarded, stupid, or any other term for funny that also means incompetent. EIther way in the eventually that you are offended by any future posts that are made to this page, please refer back to this, or i will refer you back.

your buddy,

chris