It feels so bad to feel like you aren't living up to your destiny. It makes you feel so empty inside when you feel like you have this greater calling, and you see it all lined up right there close enough you can feel it. Then you push and push, and the harder you push the further away it gets. Then one day you realize that you just cant get there. There just are not enough delegates, wait thats Hillary Clinton's failure story not mine. Anyway, i been feeling real Hillary lately, could be Clinton or Banks ( fresh prince of bel aire reference), i feel dumb and like i have been trying to hard.
I kinda feel like i am failing at my mission in life right now. I have ben way too lazy since school got out and i havent been working with d as much on shoots. Im pretty much just sitting around waiting for IT to happen for me. I dont know what IT is, but im waiting for it. Once IT happens all will be great. Any body know how i can ienourage it to happen, i mean with out doing stuff, and preferably something free?
For some reason people think im really good at photography but when i look at my shots all i see is whats missing. People say i give good advice but when i think about me all i think about is what isnt right in my life. Why do i know the solution for everyone but me? Or do i know it and just cant convince myself to do it. Why do i constantly have a woman around me that i think could be great but i dont have anything to say? But when i know i don have a shot i talk my ass off until i annoy myself...
simple question... what do you want from life?
but is the answer even possible, as it is ever changing but really it isnt, the answer is always happiness but happiness evolves. somedays happiness is $100,000, some days happiness is just seeing a friend smile cause its their birthday or i just havent seen them smile enough. Some days al it takes for me to feel filled is music, some outkast rh factor, anthony david, miguel, esthero, JayDee, Anthony Hamilton, Stevie Wonder, Donny Hathaway, E badu, anything that soothes me or moves me. Even now, i turned on some music and lost my ability to write a negative emo ass blog..
so im done
i even failed at talking about failing
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